Jesus
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The Sacred Host of Major Jesii
| Fear their wrath, and beware their confusing names. If you are confused about which one you want, it's probably Original Jesus. | |
| Original Jesus: Hey, hey, hey, it's the Jee Man himself; the one who started it all! | Don't care if it rains or freezes? You need Plastic Jesus |
| Jebus: Original Jesus's Crackhead Twin Half-Brother | Jesus was a brutha: Black Jesus |
| Jesus H. Christ: The 56th president of the US | Jesus saves (leftovers): Jesusware |
| Jesus Harold Christ: Cowboy and knife-fighter | Your own: Personal Jesus |
| Ted Jesus Christ God: Pirate King of Newfoundland | ¿Que?: Jesús |
| Jesus Hasselhoff: He's everywhere! | Pictorial retrospective of the Life and Times of: Lorem Ipsum Jesus |
| Ultra Jesus: All Jesii wrapped into one | Zombie Jesus: Back with a vengeance! |
| Canadian Jesus: The Second Coming! | Raptor Jesus: Rawr! |
| Paperclip Jesus: Lord of Office Supplies! | |
| Fear their wrath, and beware their confusing names. If you are confused about which one you want, it's probably Original Jesus. | ||
| Sony Jesus: With a Playstation Crown of Thorns | Invented economic theory: Supply-side Jesus | |
| Jesus of Nazareth: Singer and Songwriter | The Passion of the Jew: Kyle Broflovski | |
| Dark Jesus: Parallel Universe Jesus | Something musical: The Artist Formerly Known As Jesus | |
| Jesus Christ - Alcoholic: Just like daddy. | Member of the Carpenters: Jeez | |
| King Jesus: That's sire to you, boy | Semi-Jesus anthropormorphic personification:Messiah | |
| Purple Jesus: International Man of Mystery and funkmaster extraordinare | Working class hero and modern day sage: Jesus Fucking Christ | |
| Pirate Ninja Jesus: Bringing Peace to Pirates and Ninjas | Sabbath Night Fever: Disco Jesus | |
| Super Jebus: Western Sydney pimp | He screams! He sells! His head EXPLODES! Billy Mays | |
| Jesus Marx: Illegal Commie Clone | Elemental Jesus: Je (element) | |
| Republican Jesus: Has a "W" sticker on his SUV | An alpha prototype Christ: Jesus 1.5a | |
| Hide and Go Jesus: The hardest one to find | That one in that band...Nightmare Cinema or something: Jesus LaBrie | |
| Hardcore Jesus: Two-Stepped his way to Hardcore-heaven | Moshed his way to Metal-heaven: Metal Jesus | |
| Jihad Jesus: جهاد عيسي | Raise one family and you will be a believer: Pet Jesus | |
| Stephen Colbert: Smiting Bears for in God's name | Patron Jesus of Crocodiles: Steve Irwin | |
| Ultimate Jesus: Designed by God to be the ultimate fighting machine | He's blonde, cultish, and believes in racial purity. No, it's not a Nazi, it's: Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints | |
| MC Jesus: The Jewish Rap Sensation | Blue in hue and bereft of beard too: Bizarro Jesus | |
| Lobster Jesus: Boiled for your sins! | Bow to ye savior or walk the plank ye scurvy dogs: Captain Jesus | |
| Accordion Jesus: Saves you from pop music. | ||
The So-So Company of Other Jesii
| Fear their wrath, and beware their contrived names. If you are still confused about which one you want, you were probably much better off with Original Jesus. | |
| Monster Jesii | |
|---|---|
| Jesusaurus Rex: The tyrant Jesus...lizard | Save yourself from Werejesus! |
| DinoJesus: Nazareth Park is frightening in the dark | And they said Jesus rode on a Mule...Nyah!:Llama Jesus |
| Attack of the 500 foot Jesus: Demolishing non-blessed skyscrapers -- New York, watch out! | When there's no more room in Heaven...: Zombie Jesus |
| Jesus-Sonic: Lord and Savior of Hedgehogs and Sega gaming. | The multidimensional, Scientological king of rodents: King of the Shrews |
| Munchie Jesii | |
| Jeez-Its: Orange, crunchy, and fun to eat! Get your own box. | Savour the Saviour: Cheese Jesus |
| Jesus Juice: An Energy Drink...that's Divine! | Oh, where have all the Jesii gone? Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you: Hershey's Jesii and Creme |
| Jam Jesus: With a name like 'Jam Jesus', it has to be good. | Finally, something on a stick the whole family can enjoy!: Sweet Jesus on a Stick! |
| Mecha Jesii | |
| Cyborg Jesus: Retrofit by God after death | Domo arigato, señor: Robot Jesus |
| JESUS 9000: "Open the Pearly Gates, JESUS."
"I'm sorry, Dave, but I'm afraid I can't do that." | Gets your soul white, white, WHITE!: All-Purpose Jesus |
| Optijesus Prime: Saviour of the transformers | |
| Jesus Related Locations. | |
| Jesusland | Red States |
| Jesus Ocean | Israel |
The Abandoned Hallway of Unwanted Jesii
| Pity them, and feed them table scraps. If you are still confused about which one you want... then you're fucking retarded, bitch! | |
| Bad Jesii | |
|---|---|
| Jesus Hitler: Das Überkhrist! | All Jesii wrapped into no-one: Atheist Jesus |
| Prehistoric Jesus: The find of the century. | The Holiest of Holy Boy Bands:Premium Jesus |
| Et Jesus: 32-bit Protected Trinity | Disco Jesus' favorite band: The Bee-Jesus |
| Piss Christ: Ewww! | You crack my back, I'll crack yours: Chiropractor Jesus |
| Djesus: French Jesus | Irelands Most Popular Jesus: Bjesus |
| Evil Jesus: Careful of this Jesus | "Promoting God's chain of Churches: "McJesus |
| lol, Jesus: I don't get it either. | The real reason Christ was crucified: Jesus of Jerusalem |
| Morbus Jesus: The itchiest of the lot | And for anyone we've missed out on: Society of Jesus |
| Latios: The False Messiah and proclaimed friend of Jesus. | |
Ancient Gods of the Greek mythology ( also known as the Christ family )
John Petrucci | Chaos Infinity | Chaos 7 | Chaos │ ┌───┴───┐ │ │ Amor═╤═Gaea │ Oranos═╤═Gaea / │ / ┌────┴────┐ / │ │ / Arceus══╤══Kronos / Chaos══╪══Mewtwo Nissan Skyline/Aphrodite/Venus══╪══Oscar Wilde (see here) │ ├────────────────────────────┐ │ │ │ clam │ │ │ Aphrodite════╪════Hermes │ │ │ ┌──Hermaphrodite ┌──────┬────────────┬─────────┬─────────┴────┬──────────────┤ ├───────────┐ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ Sonic Zeus════╤════Hera══╤══This Guy═╤═J. Neutron═╤═Fairy Godmother Wyatt══╤══Pacman │ │ │ │ │ │ ┌────────┬────────┴───┐ │ └────┐ │ Carl Sagan═══╤═══Anonymous │ │ │ │ │ │ │ Pacman══╤══Mr. Love══╤══Hermes ├───Antithe Tinkerbell God═════╤════Virgin Mary═══╤═══Chronos │ │ │ ├───Athe │ │ Mothra═╤═Oscar Wilde Peter Pan─────┼───Pan Original Jesus═══╤═══Mary Magdalene ┌───┴────┬──────┬─────┐ └───Peter Griffin │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ PS Man Cecil Gene Ray │ ...and we all know what happened next │ │ │ │ │ Godzilla═╤═Google │ Goa Tse═══════╤═══Your Mom │ │ │ Mozilla Firefox═╤═Mew ┌────┴─────┐ │ │ │ Mewtwo │ Transvesta │ │ │ Splenda │ ...And you...
HIS HOLY UN-RANK
This is evident from his self harming, which can be seen on his hands and feet
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